joined the ranks of the leased last week.. decided that a single girl would have need of a cell phone, wondered if the credit was good enough to get one.. so i checked and it was, and choosing the flip from the choices of free phones walked out of the gadget store 30 minutes later with a spiffy silver flip phone.. my voice at the other end of a number... weird.. so much more personal than a land line to a house... so despite my friends opinions on being leashed, i feel a little more free.. and right now that is exactly what i need...

all in for freedom and being single, I signed a lease on an apartment today.. in a beautiful 105 year old house with 12 ft ceilings, crown molding, large airy windows, hardwood floors and a fireplace... I have a fucking fireplace... i get the keys as soon as the current tenant leaves, but i should be in by the 1st at the latest.. i've been looking around me at the stuff i have to pack... my things, seperating jon and my stuff, shit... material possessions.. and realizing that i had a lot of stuff... and not much furniture.. early morning saturday yard sales will be my scene for the rest of the summer... have a couple of chairs, old wooden apple crates, shelves, a tv, PS2, record player, lots of clothes, a couple lamps.. a grill.. the computer, books, cds.. and a lot of shineys.. thus is my world. not even mattresses to call my own.. interesting to look at my life that way..

i'm relieved in a way that i'm moving.. i originally typed "leaving".. which is what i'm doing... leaving jon and his safety.. leaving stability and companionship.. i've never lived there.. i'm ok on my own, but i've always had someone.. i can see a movie or eat in a restaurant alone, but i have to have someone to come home too.. or until now. this is a good thing. i will enjoy the hell out of it... there are fantasy scenerios running through my head.. simply making tea in my kitchen, sitting on the back porch surounded by plants.. candles in the fire place splashing light across the walls...

i'm elated and bubbling..

life is good..

oh and as i footnote, loki called.. he seems to think of me when he's drunk... that makes me wonder... fear of vulnerability or lechorous.. but i have to admit i like it when he calls..