something..

i have the very small thought sometimes that i am sick to the bone fucking weary tired of looking for what that something is... i mean, will it be worth a lifetime of thinking about it. would it be easier to just give up? join the forces that bind me and drown myself in capitalistic minimum wage paying, everything at the lowest common denominator society. bow your head, shuffle in line, your grave is this way... i'd rather open a fucking vein.

everything disgusts me, and don't think that i do not include myself in that... i crave something, yet the apathy wraps around my heart... the only thing keeping me sane and from doing something rash is the music and the small amount of affection/kung fu action rationed from Y.. balancing on the edge of flight is heart stopping when i think about it... skrimp on everything for 2 months, sell everything, skip on rent and head... off... out... anywhere... and start fresh. the thought is like an icy breath of air. body shakingly breath taking.

dream.